Mating Pigeons

Some animals have insanely complex mating rituals. Staring at each other for hours, days even, motionless. Others engage in dances that were choreographed hundreds of thousands of years ago and are so difficult to execute correctly the species has almost gone extinct (how's that for natural selection). Still others -mostly primates like us- seem to do practically nothing else than engaging in some sort of never ending ritual that hopefully leads to sex every now and then. My God, imagine the agony of that. (you can do it, just think about your life so far).

And then there are pigeons. Ever seen their mating ritual? Chances are you have but can't remember it. It never aired as a fancy schmancy Discovery channel or Animal Planet documentary that's for sure.

The mating ritual of the pigeon, rat with wings and the only scavenger that has somehow succeeded in suckering hordes of people into feeding them, goes like this:

A female pigeon triples through some populated area, just minding her own business. Along comes a male pigeon. He starts following her. Not at a respectable distance but within the tiniest of fractions of an inch from her feathery ass. She starts walking faster. He starts walking faster. She turns left, he turns left. She turns left, right, flies of, lands again, turns right-left-right. He turns left, right, flies of after her, lands again (within the tiniest of fractions of an inch from her feathery ass) , turns right-left-right. Finally, she gives up and lets him bang her.

This goes to show that what some call stalking, others (notably pigeons) call courting. And if someway, somehow, the pigeon society would ever evolve into a constitutionally governed state, bestowing certain, unalienable rights to its citizens -such as the right to be free- and some schmuck, overly eager pigeon of a lawyer would demand a restraining order for the pigeon stalking his female pigeon client, the pigeons would be royally fudged and die out in one generation.

Luckily for the pigeons though, they're really stupid and will only evolve into a society when hell freezes over. (in which case, fucking might be the only thing that can keep them warm)

Dutch slim-to-nothing dot-commer, 34 years old, living in Paris, France. One bedroom apartment, one baby, one girlfriend. Kind of like Seinfeld's Kramer with a kid I guess. Blogging about life and the world we live in. http://34something.blogspot.com/