Sure, the two year old copy of National Geographic was interesting, but nothing could compare to the scene that was about to go down in my physician's waiting room.
Gary, a middle age pharm rep and an office favorite, was gathering his things in the waiting room when a rival rep entered the room.
"Hi, I'm Ken Lewis from Pharmcorp, Dr. Rosenblatt is expecting me." The receptionist slid open the glass partition, "Ken, have a seat, he's finishing up with a patient." Ken's overweight body slumped into the old gray chair. He let out a groan as he struggled to reach for the People magazine on the table, when he was approached.
Gary, obviously threatened, shouted, "Hey Ken, you can leave now, I've got Dr. Rosenblatt covered. Why don't you head down to the free clinic and peddle your crap there." he sneered. Ken dropped the magazine and stood up. Apparently the receptionist had seen this happen before and shouted to the back office, "RAP BATTLE!" Suddenly people from all over the office had flooded the waiting room and encircled these two road warriors.
Gary had been to this dance before and new the procedure, "You're up rookie. Let's see what you got." Ken took a deep breath, rubbed his nose with his thumb and started in:
"Yo Gary, you're drugs are so weak they send me into rages,
most of your stuff never makes it out of phase II stages,
You drive a Taurus cause of your company's broke down wages!"
"Ohhhhhhhh," the geriatric crowd shouted. This guy was no rookie, Gary thought. He eyed his opponent and started pacing back and forth. "Don't let him disrespect you like that, Gary," yelled Gladys, an 80 something glaucoma patient who thought she was at a boxcar fight circa 1940.
"Ok Ken, I hear what you're what sayin' but your R&D is weak,
90% of ya'll drugs have now become antique!
None of these doctors even wanna see ya,
Probably cause your meds give patients explosive diarrhea!"
"Ohhhhhhhhh!" the growing group cheered. The crowd favorite did not disappoint.
Just then, the doctor busted through the door."Ken, get to steppin', cause you just got served!" Dejected, the aging sales rep left the tiny medical office knowing that he did in fact get served.
"Gary, you old Dog, come here!" the doctor said. "Your pills have horrific side effects, but how can I resist those freestyle lyrics?"
The hero of the day hopped into his blue Taurus, put his sunglass clips over his glasses and screamed, "this is my house!" while pounding his chest.
I've told this story to countless people and they too have had similar experiences. The professional rap battle has become viral. My friend Douglas is an attorney in Denver and he commonly defends his clients with a well timed rap battle. Dentists have turned into human beat boxes while encouraging patients to floss. Several accountants have put turn tables in their reception area to accommodate their vendors and clients.
If this fresh method of doing business hasn't hit your town yet, trust me, it's coming. So, like Gary, prepare a few lines of hip hop bliss and be ready to unleash their awesome power at a moment's notice. As always, please remember to keep it real up in the proverbial field.
Guy Bellefonte is an author with too much time on his hands and an overactive imagination. Feel free to visit http://mypetgroundhog.blogspot.com to read about more of my shenanigans.
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